fashion pet peeves

you know that inadvertent scrunchy face you make when someone in, say, a mini skirt and Uggs walks by? or that "awww, that's so sad" face you make when someone in, say, a mini skirt and Uggs walks by? those are two classic symptoms of a fashion pet peeve. you're generally a nice person, so it's extra frustrating when someone dresses like that, forcing you to say something judgmental to the person next to you. then the person next to you thinks you're shallow. but you're not shallow! it's not your fault! when someone curses loudly in a public place, no one judges the bystanders who take offense. so, exactly.

it's time to raise awareness, put these peeves out there, and get everyone on the same page.

i'll start. my fashion pet peeves:

Louis Vuitton luggage

maybe it's not the luggage itself that gets me but the overwhelming aroma of hairspray that goes along with it. maybe both. really, if a cow has to die for your accessories, the accessories should say, “i am naturally classy,” not “my third husband is divorcing me because I’m having an affair with Rolf, my teenage daughter’s plastic surgeon.” and, logistically, you can't check it. would you check a regular suitcase filled with ten grand? if you know someone who owns an LV suitcase, urge her to pawn that thing on eBay to someone else who longs to spend her kid’s private school tuition on something that goes with nothing. then console her that she got cut in auditions for the Real Housewives.

hidden platforms

once reserved for strippers and adult film stars, these suckers snuck their way into our lives around 2008, was it? and nothing says "human hoof" quite like it.

"neigh"

the re-rise of the teensy model

we were doing so well there for awhile! after two models tragically died of anorexia in 2007, the fashion industry rebounded by employing only slightly sub-humanly sized ladies. but they're back at it. Vogue Italia had to scrap a picture of supermodel Karlie Kloss from its website after users became outraged over the bad influence of the photo. yes, she is breathtakingly beautiful, but if i had daughters, they wouldn't be getting anywhere near that magazine. i'm not even sure i should be allowed to look at it. and the most insane thing? Karlie is now a Victoria's Secret model.

fur

i miss the red paint splashers. when did fur become acceptable again? has everyone forgotten 101 Dalmations? nobody's eating mink, fox, or rabbit (well, rarely), so that use-the-whole-animal excuse is void. most recently, Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen hot-glued the Bronx Zoo all over her fall/winter line. typically, i lust after Alexander McQueen creations. but i'm just sayin', keep her away from my cats.

step off.

the 90s comeback

come on, it was called "grunge." it sounds like something you scrape off a bathtub.

and last, but not least, mini skirts and Uggs

this fad was a blip on the radar in 2004. by now, you'd think it goes without saying that one should not dress oneself as Britney Spears did during her lowest point . . .

those are some of the fashion bugs that make my skin crawl. what are yours?